ローラ・ムバサ：有害な関係、父親の死、そして最低の時期のトマト売り、生々しい真実
time. I remember KTN was looking for TV hosts. So my ex was friends with a producer at St at at where I work and he was like WhatsApp status. Maybe you can try out. So like cool, why not? I even still have the videos. I was bad. It was so bad. No, even like during the film the green screen. Yeah. So the first time they did a screen test was for news. So I had to read the teleprompter. Do you live? I was going to do the news. Oh my god. It’s 9:00 right here in Nairobi, Kenya. You are listening to Dash News. Imagine I’m here telling President R has just increase taxes. But but also another thing and I think that’s why I’m telling you the the point that you’re saying like it’s not the best way you can say like I wasn’t prepared for this. But you see this other opportunity came through and it just came from like your ex who’s like by this you just try and you can only imagine and that’s why I’m always saying like at times even the people who are around you okay maybe it’s not working out in a certain situation or thing that you have going on but how they can just push you somebody who can be able to like see you and say by the way that just small gesture that he did like you know it’s it’s a person who sat changes everything and me and my ex had a lot of trouble like talked about him a lot. The person you resented. Yeah. Wow. And you and you see that’s the thing because the things that you get. But but look at it this way. At the time I I I I like to I I can’t say mentor people, but I like to gaslight myself. And I I was telling myself, you know, a man who loves you will do anything for you. So cuz he told me like he loved me day one, which should have been a red flag. And I was like, “No, since we are already here, let me get as much as I can out of him.” Oh, not financially, but like in terms of companionship, cuz I also needed companionship. And I’m like, if this is all I get, I’m okay with it. So, what do you mean by that? So, yeah. So, we always touch on like everything on the podcast, you know, health, wealth, love, and happiness. So, when you’re talking about that, just a bit more details for people. So, with this guy, like I told you, I wasn’t necessarily interested in him. I actually thought so at all. He called me that night. We’d we’d hung out when shisha was legal cuz he liked to chew and smoke shisha. So we’d hung out a lot. Yeah. And I never thought he was interested in me. Plus his friend used to hit on me. Yeah. So you probably think maybe most likely it’s a friend who’s So every time we’re hanging out, I’m just usually talking to the friend and then conversation just goes round. So one time he invites me to his place. I just picked my mom up from the airport. I call my best friend and I’m like, “Hey, let’s go hang out and drink up.” M. So I go thinking I’m hanging out with his buddy, but his buddy had come with a chick. So you’re like, “Hey.” So brothers, what the hell? So we end up chatting and turns out he’s a nice guy. But at that time I was just like I’m not feeling him. He’s not like it’s just Yeah. It’s not it’s not what I was going. you haven’t even envisioned him that way cuz like this somebody that I know I see but I haven’t. So we we keep talking and then we hang out a lot more. I’m spending more time with him and I think also it it’s it it came into play cuz I I had a fight like with all my best friends. So I had that one friend only and she was in like a serious relationship. So I was like what what’s there to lose? I guess this is what we’re doing now. Let me just even might as well just try last time. Yeah. So, while I’m doing this is when I’m still struggling with school. I’m doing pageantss. And then when we became like official official was like after Miss World cuz like when I was breaking down, he was the one who was there. He was there for you. Yeah. To be there with me. The reason I became resentful is I don’t believe in I have a type. I say I have a type, but I really just don’t have a type. Come on now. You can’t just say you don’t have a type. That’s ridiculous. I don’t have a type. Do you like short guys? I don’t care. Come on now. You care. I’ve short guys. I’ve dated tall guys. I’ve dated I’ve dated, for lack of a better word, fat guys. I’ve dated skinny guys. I’ve dated white guys. I’ve dated black guys. How many guys have you dated? First of all, slow down. This could be two different people. Like it could be fat. Okay. But do Okay. So, it got to a point maybe where you’re like, and I think that comes with just even growing up. And I keep telling like even my friends at times it’s like I wouldn’t just pick a chick necessarily just cuz she has a big ass and I have friends who can legit and I’m like yo bro you just picked her just because of her and they say like bro I’m like so nothing else and of course after a few months down the line I’m like what what were you expecting? Come on like you didn’t even see her personality you didn’t see or know her hobbies or get to know her. And it’s the same for me in reverse cuz I was dating him for the money. Okay. You know, like he wasn’t giving me cash, but he was making my life easier. But the life is easy. You need something in case of an emergency. I get you. I get you. So, but then getting to know him, he was such a nice guy and he was a dad to two kids, but he had his own skeleton. So, there was a lot of cheating involved. The reason I became resentful was cuz I was giving a 100 even though when I came into the relationship, I wasn’t at 100. And now you know he’s cheating like excessively cuz if you’re going to tell me you’ve run through 20 babes in the span of a year during when you’re in a relationship. Imagine jeez that would make you think like what were you doing wrong? Did you ever ask him? But I spend most of the time with you. Where do you even get the time? First of all time cuz when are you hanging out with your kids? Cuz you know the way chicks up. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you have kids. You have to go and give them time. Hang out with your kids. Don’t play with me. I’ll come pick up your kids from school and you’ll never see them again. I get you. I get you. So, yeah. So, that made me resentful cuz I’m like, I’m giving you 100. But in reality, it was I’m giving 100 because of what I could potentially get out of him, you know, and that was the opportunities, the comfort, the lifestyle, the partnership also cuz I won’t say that I didn’t enjoy his company or I didn’t necessarily love him. Yeah. Yeah. So, that happened and then I get the job at Ken. So, I’m going to do my news reading. That time I’ve dropped out of school. Oh, and then like two weeks into the relationship, he lost all the money. What do you mean? Oh, yeah. Like he just did a bad business move or something. So, one one day I’m leaving his apartment. The watchman is like, “Madame, talker, what do you mean?” What do you mean? And he’s like, “Are you serious?” And I’m like, “But I don’t live here.” Yeah. He’s just coming to see my boyfriend. Red flag number three. Yeah. So I call him. I’m like, “Don’t see you. Come sort this out.” Yeah. Comes talks to him. I’m released. And then I’m like, “Hey.” So I call him when I get home and I’m like, “Is everything okay?” Like, “No, I’m at my sister’s place. Uh, if you’re coming back this way, just come see me at my sister’s my sister’s. I’m like, cool. It’s like one, two days. Cuz apparently he gave the agent a deposit, a kind of N one month’s rent. To be honest, those stories as a dude, keep your answer shorter than three. Yeah. I effed up. Period. Yeah. Yeah. So he’s there with his sister and shame on me. He’s living there like for a few months. Yeah. So now you’re going to see I’m going to the sister’s house and I’m even staying there for a whole week. That’s how much low self-esteem I had. No selfrespect. Nothing. I’m so afraid to even breathe cuz I’m like I don’t even want anyone to know I’m here cuz this is so shameful. Can’t even ask is there is there juice in the fridge? You can’t even I don’t even want I and even in man that house you know like the way and this is why you’re told you’re told like we’re all human beings you can always outlive someone’s kindness you can I don’t know how it’s said maybe I said it the wrong way but someone’s kindness can be overrun and be done with. True. I’d love to help my sister and my brother but I have limits and a lot of people don’t admit that. Oh no that’s true. You can only just do it for so long. Exactly. Especially if the the recipient is not giving back what you require in terms of like appreciation or something like that. My ex was that type. He’s a last born. He’s spoiled. He’s just disorganized. He’s the baby. So, he’s just leaving reckless. He’s he knows somebody’s going to come and take care of like the whole whole three days he comes back. Anybody who choose, they need like the ample time for that. Like I even tell people things like people who watch soccer, nothing wrong with it. Mhm. Cuz of course we have your Manu Arsenal and I’m always like these leagues never end tomorrow and then one match the next match and then I’m like mm- I can’t do it. I can I can only watch something that’s short, brief. Something like basketball I can watch and then get back to business or something. So I understand. I believe in not being overinvested in anything that’s not immediately in front of you or has a future like you’re building. So even like when I’m watching series sometimes I’m like mini but I’m like what’s what is it adding? You can’t watch it for like hours hours having it in my memory. I’m not writing a book or whatnot. Everything I do is passive unless it has anything to do with me directly. Yeah. So I get you get you. Yeah. So I’m living with him at his sister’s house partially. I’m leaving home. I’m coming here. I’m not allowed to sit in the front of a cab. I’m not allowed to talk to guys. So I’ve got the job at KTN. I’m not allowed to speak to guests or take pictures with them holding me. Yeah. I can’t talk to security. I’m not allowed to hang out with my friends. Wait, these are his rules. Yeah. Now you see that and he’s homeless. How am I being given instruction? Actually, that’s true. That’s true. This person cannot tell give you such rules. I’m leaving my mother’s house. I’m being given instructions. Going to someone’s sister’s house to be given other instructions. But and such things and I’m always saying it like even at times I’ve even had like small situations and maybe because you know for me I’m a social person. You’ll always see me taking pictures kissing people on the cheeks on their lips. I’m having you know a good old time. Of course I’m not advocating for everybody to try this. This is not for everyone. Yeah. This is not for everyone. I have a perfect excuse of doing that. But now you can only imagine if you partner with somebody who doesn’t understand that it will actually because like let’s say you’ve said you’re coming to the show and they’ve maybe checked out like your Instagram and they’re feeling some kind of way. It happened cuz I was going for a photo shoot and I was like who was I taking pictures with? I’ve forgotten his name but it was years ago. So I’m like I’m going to sleep at my brother’s place. I’m going for a photo shoot so that I’m just there early in the morning in time. Mhm. Like first of all I don’t even care about your brother. He’s bad influence. He should be the first person you drop. I’m like, this is my blood. Come on. What do you mean? I’m like, calm down. We’ll talk about this later, but I’m going for my photo shoot. So, I go for the photo shoot. I’m excited about the pictures and like I’m like, it’s just pictures. And that’s a crazy thing, right? Yeah. You don’t see this as a bad thing at the time. You’re just like, you’re overreacting. Oh, no. You love me too much. What? So you wouldn’t Oh, at the time you wouldn’t pick it as a red flag. But the the cab thing was the one that was weird cuz So the cab thing was like I shouldn’t I liked sitting in the front cuz I’m I’m very tall and it just made sense to sit in the front. Admittedly, even for safety, it’s better if you sit in the back, but I’d like I like this back left for safety, right? Yeah. But I like being very aware of where I’m going. And at times it’s just I that’s like back in the Yeah. Like 2018. Yeah. Even for me, I remember there’s a time like I remember like that was the seat that I used to but now it’s if I’m taking a cab, it’s back. But but then it was like you could sit in the front. And I also used to enjoy that cuz you see everything that’s happened, right? Exactly. And we used to just run in groups. I’d always sit in the front cuz I’m taller. So it was like just preset in my mind. Yeah. So he’s like, “Uhuh. I can’t. You can’t be sitting in front of the cab. You can’t be dressing a certain way.” Cuz the C guy now will if I go somewhere he just randomly we are chilling and like do you think Nick Muma is hot? I mean objectively but maybe not for me. Yeah. And like [Laughter] somebody who got mad at me cuz they asked me like, “Do you think Kim Kardashian you think Kim Kardashian is pretty?” She is. I was like, “Are you [ __ ] crazy?” I’m like, “Yes.” Like, “Yes.” And they were upset. I’m like I was trying to just like even now like I was like, “Okay, let’s just think about it.” Like children, where am I getting Kim Kardashian? Where where Kanye West is the husband? Where am I getting Where am I getting Kim Kardashian? That was his argument is that he’s just a bit too close to home. Ah, come on. And you could access him. You see, like me, I want Halib B. I’ll never get her. But no, but that’s the thing with entertainment regardless. You still keep meeting every single different personalities every day. And it’s such a Is he going to do the vetting process for the office? Oh, let me tell you, if I was in studio and I took a picture with a guest, he’d see like he’d hold my shoulder, my hand. best believe. What kind of relationship is this man? But relationships can be seen at times cuz I felt like he’s the only person who understood me. I was lying at home. I was keeping secrets. I had no one to talk to, to open up to and he’s there to listen. You’re the only person who gets it. Yeah. So, it doesn’t matter how toxic it gets. I remember one time chicks used to call him and then I was like, “Why babes calling you all the time?” Yeah. He’s like, “Listen, I just take their numbers for kicks and then when they call me, I don’t answer.” Like, who? Imagine. And you fell for that guy. I believe just about any First of all, shout outs to that guy cuz I’ve never heard that. So, they call me, I don’t pick up. And I’m like, “Hey, if you say so.” Mhm. But she’s called a lot so I don’t know. And then you you are those ones of like but I’m with him later on. So either way Yeah. Like what’s he going to do? Answer and leave me in the house. Mhm. So I’m searching searching his stuff. I’m just perusing, snooping. First of all, when we were even together, I had a dream. Mhm. That there was a bab jumping the window and then I was coming into the bedroom. So I come and I tell him, “Hey, I’ve had this dream. I don’t know why.” Mhm. Let me tell you how life is so funny. I go into this room, I find a button on the I’m like, “This is not my button.” And you know, it’s like the gold button. It’s obviously from a definitely from like, “Okay, fine. I can’t I can’t argue with logic.” Yeah. So then the phone thing happens. So I check his bag and then he has like a bunch of condoms. I’m like, “What are these for?” Wow. He’s like, “Wouldn’t you rather if anything happened, I was protected?” But actually, that’s true. I’m like, as heartbreaking as it is, but why are you in a position for anything to unless it’s a bunch of dudes who are after you and you’re like, “Yeah, guess.” Yeah. No, no, no. But I’m just saying, you see, that’s the craziest part. like even about relationships and that I’ve been arguing about this with some people on the podcast like you need to understand like even infections come through couples the most because couples of course you’re couples you’re just going raw right so if there’s a CD evidence in the bedroom that’s fireworks so somebody would rather be so afraid of getting caught that they’d rather smash another cheek raw and come and give you like some [ __ ] infection. See, the logic is solid. First of all, you’d be like those ones of like, okay, s I’m mad at you, but CD at least there now. I give you props, but we have to break up anyway. The logic is solid, right? If you were going to mess up, I’d rather you use protection. But why did you mess up to begin with? But it’s going to happen though. What do you mean? Okay, I understand. No, no, I’m just saying I understand. Think about it. Like even now, how we live the generation that we’re in right now. I mean, how many people do you see together and relationships constantly? Like, so if you’re just being like an adult, cuz even like right now, let’s say depending whether you’re in a situation or you get in a situation, just put it like, you know, in case if ever cheats. Yeah. Don’t let it take away everything else that you guys have going on. Cuz if you have kids, listen, what does that do to you? So, over time, I’ve learned something about life. And it’s if you have order, you must have order in everything. Otherwise, everything crumbles. So if somebody cheats on you, exactly. So if we’re in a relationship, you’re making a commitment unless it’s open and that’s a different agreement. So cheating is in effect going out of routine and order. Mhm. Whether you’re cutting condoms today, tomorrow, tomorrow, one day you will sleep up because this is not what is supposed to occur naturally. What you’re supposed to do normally is be in a relationship. Mh. So that one time you weren’t planning on cheating, but you’re outside and it’s probably a baby you’ve hooked up with maybe two, three times and you’re like, “It’s her.” Yeah. It always happens. And that’s why I can’t say it’s better that if they’re prepared cuz unless you’re prepared, I don’t see you packing for your cheating escapades. You know, now we change the podcast to cheating escapades. Cheating escapad. Yeah. Let’s go. So it’s like I’m packing my condoms, my lubricant, and also, you know, a bulletproof vest if the husband shows up. some refreshments, you know, wet wipes. I’ll be back at like 6. Mhm. I’d never been such an arrangement and that’s why I know something will always go wrong. But have you been in another relationship after that? Yeah. Did they cheat? Um, did you cheat or did they cheat? So, that smile just says a lot. You don’t even need to answer. There’s a smile that I’ve seen and I already have my answer. It’s like I’m very honest about it. It’s just, you know, like when you have to own up to your own [ __ ] Accountability. It’s but it’s part of the process. Yes, I have. I did cheat. Okay. And hold on, hold on. But you see, that’s why I’m saying at times we also have to remember we’re just human. So imagine if it’s in a situation where you’re married to the person and you have kids cuz all these things that we’re doing now, we’re just practicing for the future cuz understand maybe now in future you just don’t wake up it’s like I’m going to start a fresh. No, you can’t you can’t just hit the refresh button. No, you have kids and remember your kids love the dad. Yeah. So, if he sleeps up one time, you’re telling me you’re getting a divorce. To be honest, no. Why? Okay. Why not? Of course, I want to say the typical answer. I hope that never is my situation, but it happens to anyone. Exactly. You’ve cheated before. I have, but I was just a horrible human being. Maybe you’re the one who’s going to cheat where I’ve healed. I’ve healed and I’ve recovered. But I’m just saying even going back to a situation where you’re like, “Okay, I messed up.” Like even with my ex, this one that I’m saying tormented me. I forgiven him because one I admit I didn’t like him. Honestly, I I gradually like learned to tolerate him whole thing. So he had every reason to feel neglected. I wasn’t even addressing what he was dealing with in the background. So I totally understand why he did what he did and I forgive him for it. I no longer feel like a victim or I was wronged. I understand human emotions are complex and sometimes you find people in such a place. Had it led to marriage and he cheated, I’d want to think I’d handle it the same way I’m saying. But I know emotion, you know, and you you get carried away. But I wouldn’t say that I’d throw it all out. I’d like to see to to to think I’m a good judge of character and I’d like someone to see things from my point of view and understand that forgiveness is a gift. So I wouldn’t necessarily leave. Yeah. If I’m being honest. Yeah. Especially if it’s just a one time thing. Okay. Okay. No. No. Why I’m saying it? Cuz understand there’s so much and I’m always trying to ask like even like other young girls who are not in marriage and everything. I’m always like asking them like, “Do you think you’re smarter than all these other women who’ve been cheated on?” Yeah. Exactly. And even that aside, look at the like now rapid like growth of like just single moms like even in Nairobi. Yeah. Like there’s like there’s like just a part of so many kids that they’re not going to experience just having like a dad at home. Central we have like the whole alcohol problem thing. I’m from a single parent home, right? Okay. Yeah. And I’ve Has that affected my heart? It has 100%. Cuz when my mom and my dad broke up, it was so messy. So like every time I remember my mom used to threaten me. My mom is such an amazing human being. Like I’ve I saw you and her crying on a podcast. So we’re going to touch on that. My mom is an amazing human being. She was Hitler when we’re growing up. Yeah. But she was an She is an amazing human being. you start to appreciate your parents and see the struggles they went through and you’re like maybe I overreacted. You understand why they had to do I didn’t have to shape my whole personality on one argument, you know. So my mom like used to be so vicious when it came to my dad, you know, like she didn’t even tell me I’m just working. I’m like cuz I like my dad even though he passed away. I’m not Oh, he’s no longer here. He’s no longer with us. And cuz I remember like really appreciating my dad when I was older. Like he used to laugh all the time. He was always so happy. But my mom had told me, “Oh, he’s such a bad person.” Cuz my other siblings, we don’t share a dad. And the dad kidnapped them like when they were kids and took them to DRC. So my mom was always like, [Laughter] she was just afraid of losing you. So you understand it now as an adult you understand it was just true like you know what do you call it like an instinct that she’s trying to like trauma yeah of course of course and so growing up without a dad I I I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly because for everyone it’s different but for me it’s I don’t have an idea of what a twoperson home looks like so I don’t know the basics of what a relationship should be I don’t know how what the foundations of a relationship are so even when I look back how You’re supposed to talk to a man. Exactly. And you know, all these things at times chicks talk to me and I’m like I’m like how how dare you? Right. Who taught you? And and you know it’s not it’s not about being a pick me or I’m I’m saying this so that any man can come. I’m not searching. I’m not at saying I want to be married tomorrow. I I probably will never get married and I’ve made peace with no the possibility. You can’t say you’re making you’ve made peace with that. You know, you have to make peace with the of with what life could turn into. Are you happy with who you are currently? Yes. If I do find a partner that I can spend my whole life with, great. You seem like a reasonable person. So, I don’t understand why like it, but I’m not. You’re not. Let me tell you, when [ __ ] hits the fan, I’ve lost it. I’m out. I checked out the door. Reason is out. It’s like, I’m sorry. The person you knew, this is a whole different person. [Laughter] No, but I think regardless of anything that you’ve gone through now with people’s other people’s experiences, things that we learned cuz now we’re learning so many different things from people whether it’s from TV cuz now with the internet we have access to so much information and I think we can be more rational like even for me if somebody does something wrong to me I think I’ll give it like one chance two three I’d be able to give it and then now if it’s exceeds and then I’m like Okay, sir. At least I’ve tried. Exactly. But otherwise, it would have been like tumble like and and you always have to do a lot of introspection, you know? It’s like why why is this action from this person pissing me off? Can I address it? For me, I I two years ago I came up with a decision that I’ll be very honest. I’ll only speak the truth. I try and I’ll address everything straightforward as bad as it feels. You just say so that I’m over with. I’m over and done with it. cuz keeping worry in your mind is something that I don’t want. So, back to what we were saying about having like a dad in a home. Yeah. It’s it it’s it would have changed a lot to do with my personality in terms of maybe confidence cuz for sure what my mom never like my mom is never like good job you’re doing this right. She’ll congratulate me when I do something nice but she’ll never be like keep doing keep pushing. You know how dads would be. You know, my dad, even if it’s the destroy, he’d laugh, hit the steering wheel, and I’m like, maybe, you know, he’s encouraging me to speak up more, do things because I I I have very low self-esteem, right? So, even now, you still kind of struggle with it. I still struggle with it cuz, you know, like especially with like the internet and the job I do, you look at people and you’re like, maybe I’m not doing enough. I think I think you really like anybody who knew you back then cuz even like for me I was just looking at your videos and I’m like she’s really this is really impressive. It’s gross cuz you used to be like that really quiet person and you know like even for me I used to gauge like people who I can disturb like I was like yeah she just looks too innocent like I just like too much to her like so it was always like hey what’s happening you’d smile but then I was like oh no let me not bother this one too much but now like how I see your personality has grown the confidence and how you and I’m sure like even for him he’d have been crazy proud of you right now. Absolutely. I’ been like what? Absolutely. My daughter and I have my dad’s voice like me and my siblings from my dad, we have our dad’s voice. His voice is strong, powerful voice. If he speaks, everyone listens. And it’s he’s such an amazing guy. That’s not something you were covering. But look at it now. Yeah. And I didn’t mourn him properly when he passed away. So I probably mourned him like years later. But I mourned him not in sadness in I’m glad even though it wasn’t the biggest part of my life I got to experience my dad and I got to feel the love of a man before it had to become physical you know I knew what being safe around a man felt like what being protected felt like what being loved unconditionally felt like and from the opposite sex and those are now the things that I look out for it’s less about, oh, who looks good when I’m with them? Can we take nice pictures? Or who has the most money and what not? Cuz there was a time like my dad was really struggling financially, but he always made sure to see me at least once every week and he’d walk hours. It doesn’t matter. Make sure like at least every time. And I was so mad every time he showed up. I was like, watch movie. But now think about it now when you’ve all grown up. There’s no amount of money anyone would like. You can’t buy it. You can’t buy that. you can’t you cannot buy that. And now you understand even somebody just showing up for you. Presents, a lot of presents. And I’m so proud of my brothers because I see them with their kids and I’m like, this is what we needed. Like even for my brothers cuz I see what the the absence of a of a father in a home has done to them. And to see them try and recover from that and rebuild is something I admire. And I’m like, why would I go and pressure someone else’s child? Yeah. you know. So that also like for me like put gears in place and I was like if you’re going to find a good partner if you’re going to lead a good life for me to be family is a good life having a family. And I think I keep telling people like I I know like now there’s all this narrative of like you know I don’t need a man I don’t need a man. Maybe you don’t but what about your kids? Do you even understand like like they’re missing out on so much? Yeah. And it’s not even about money. Yeah. The same way you’ve described it’s not like okay I know everybody says like me a man has to provide but that guy just being there cuz I promise you presents that’s everything cuz think about it like when you’re a kid you don’t need money from your parents. You really don’t. You don’t. Your dad taking you to the park buying you like ice cream talking to you carrying you advising you. It says something like, “Hey, mama, you got this. Don’t worry.” You know, that’s it. That doesn’t That’s not money. Money. Money can’t do that. And you know, I cuz I’ve started dealing with it now. When you when you’re getting some more opportunities, you deal with the the trope of she’s a problematic woman a lot. So, you’ll hear the Yeah. And for me, I hate that argument because I’ve put myself in a position where I know I can think rationally and sinly when I’m going to an office setting. So you telling me that especially in a work environment. Yeah. Everybody should know how to behave when you’re there. Well, when I look at a family setting, I’ll tell there was a time me and my best friend went to Maritti. We were like, we’re broke. We need to start doing something serious. We bought for like 500 Bob. I’ve had it. Are you serious? Yeah. I even bought the paper bags, those nylon. So if somebody wants you can Yeah, I pack I was going to pack them. I go and then I’m like, “When the hell was this? This is like 2019, 2018. Are you serious?” Yeah. You know, like I didn’t know how to go to the market. So, I’m just picking the best and then I see how much profit I can make. Yeah. Hey, my mom comes in. It’s like so I pan just picturing your mind every time. I’m just laughing. By the way, I’m like, how do I tell I want to start a business? Cuz when I told her I wanted to start a chicken business, she like everything I tell my mom’s like, who’s with this nonsense again? who’s up here with this some [ __ ] again. So I’m like I boyfriend and that’s how my business died because you kill that story. The minute I see any doubt in my mom I’m done. But if my my dad was like do it he would have pushed you would have told you go. If you feel unsafe that’s exactly what I needed. My brothers weren’t around cuz they were working out of the country. But maybe that’s not what would have happened. But the way I know my dad, if I had told him this is my plan, he would have helped me see it or like how do we scale it? Like okay, is this the idea? So maybe try and do it this way and this way. And I don’t blame my mom for that. It’s my mom was was a homemaker and even when she worked, she worked. Yeah. She worked in the hotel industry where she used to take care of rooms, take care of people, customer service, those things. So she’s good with people but she’s not good with the business aspect. Yeah. And you know how men move like it’s completely different. So and that’s my experience. So when I hear it from someone else I’m like I can relate. It’s okay to hear something and be like maybe that doesn’t work for me. Me my mom was all round and perfect and she encouraged me and this is what my life turned out. Same. I never missed anything. My mom came for all meetings. I was the first person to pick be picked up from school. If I was broke in school my mom would send me pocket money. I never lacked anything. And I think that’s also very important to say that cuz you see like even the role that a mom plays very very special. Very special. And like now you also see like where the dad comes in and the role he actually plays. So like now like I don’t even know how many single moms that I know. Like it’s crazy. It is. But then I’m like all these kids will need therapy in future cuz now they do not know anything at all. cuz you can only imagine like for your portion you can say like I remember he used to do this so at least you have you know and even memories about him I had a podcast guest uh who said she hasn’t seen the dad did you see that [ __ ] my dad I was like can I on this podcast you can so so now I posted the same video on Tik Tok you should have seen the number of girls who don’t have fathers and how it has affected them at least like 4 500 and now you can only imagine we have more kids who are coming in. So it’s I I think it’s okay but we need to figure out how we can still coexist. Yeah. Cuz I I will there’s no day I will ever say I’m waking up in the morning. It’s like I’ll never need a woman in my life. I can do so many things for myself but a woman plays a different role when she comes in my life course and and you see like not not all marriages are great. Not all parents are good. So but the the exception is not the rule. True. You know, even look at it like in the most basic way. As a kid, I’d rather have two parents to depend now if there’s sports day. I can’t leave work. Yeah. And my husband is free at home. Y he’d go check her out. But if it’s just me first, I’d feel like I’m disappointing my even if the most even stress you. You’ll be depressed when your daughter is already depressed as well. You just need help. And if if that’s the only thing that’s available for me, that’s very important. Very important. Cuz me, I keep telling people I don’t care what I do. If I was caught selling ass on the streets, been arrested in I have drugs, I’ll always call my mom first because there’s nothing I do that I do, at least now that I do with shame or I do shamefully. I do everything so confidently because I stand 10 toes behind what I do. True. Now, I can imagine if I had my dad to support me, like even when I’m broke now, call my mom and be like, “Hey, mom, help me forg.” So imagine if she’s if my mom tells me no. Imagine if I could call my dad. Even better. And him I don’t have to pay back. Yeah. You you don’t have to. He wouldn’t even want you to. He wouldn’t even Your mom would be like I remember way you know and she’s always happy to help but you know she’s getting older and I’m also like getting older so you need things to make sense. But I wish she had help when it came to us. Yeah. You know so that’s the only part. And even now you start looking at it, you’re like, “Oh, she would have had like a lot of weight off her shoulder.” And that’s where man So you can imagine why our relationship was always just so tense cuz I’m raising like five kids. Yeah. That’s a lot of work, right? And she’s a single mom. She’s unemployed. That’s a lot of work. So that’s crazy. Yeah. It’s It’s And even moms and that’s why I give props to old school moms cuz like I don’t know how they did it. Cuz now people are crying, depression, mental. Okay, nothing wrong with that by me. I’m crying all of that. Have no babies. But yeah, can you imagine? Like everybody now is always but I’m like I had three kids in your life who are constantly like mom they do not know you’re broke and and they did such a good job that they didn’t make us feel like you know we don’t have enough cash we don’t have n but now I think it’s in all people’s faces like even kids have been taught like yo you don’t have money because your dad is driving this you don’t have money because so there’s pressure all around and it’s not the most healthiest environment. No, it’s not. It’s definitely not. And even for me cuz knowing with all the mistakes I’ve made, right? Yeah. Mhm. Learning that was like you you just need to sit down and appreciate this is where you are. This is exactly where you are. If you are stripped of everything now, Laura, the only thing you have is a body. Y you have no money in the bank and you can’t be moving like I own three Lexus in the parking lot. No, no, you have to show up at work so you budget. So stories Uber 24/7 cut out. Going out buying an outfit every week, you need to cut out. Yeah. Because this materialistic world can drain you. And I’ve told people enough times cuz even now like one of the things that I’ve really grown good at is like finances. And I’m it’s one of the things I keep telling people now I’ I’ve we have these debates like you know Gen Z millennials. And I’m always telling them like trust me like this is the most sensitive time because the more you’re wasting money I can guarantee you you’ll be homeless. Life was cheaper. Now life is not cheap. So any coin that you make and that’s why like I’d tell somebody why don’t you just use a mat to go here from Yeah. Like even if it’s an assistant it’s like okay I’m tired. I’m like like maybe you’ve burnt like five sock would have used 50 bob. that money could have done anything else with it. Buy food, walk in the house with some groceries and but if that concept doesn’t sink in now it’s it’s okay but it’s going to sink in in future. You can’t escape the future. It definitely will. It will. It will. And let me tell you, I think you it’s a meme. But me the advice I’d love to give kindergarten kids is start saving now. And now start learning where every single penny goes. value,000 [Music] that I’ll be happy forever because I’ll be that [ __ ] We all want to be that [ __ ] Yeah. But it’s costly. I’m always asking like you think we didn’t want that. You think I don’t have dreams of being like way just the idea that I don’t care how hot you are. Yeah. That you think there’s just someone who is out there and you’ll get them after the first try. You’re lying to someone. I’m getting this one. I’m getting this one. Yeah. 50 until you find the right one and by then your mental state is just at a it’s already messed up because of all the bad experiences that you you’ve been through just trying to find this one person. And so for me, I’ve just learned to live within my means. I have to say no even when I don’t want to. even when I like it’s taken longer for me to build my career because I said if it’s not in my pocket if it’s not within my financial range I’m not taking up an opportunity I can’t finance myself cuz I remember I used to apply for pageantss and I’d need like a 100,000 I’m talking to this guy I’m like hey you know I need tickets e and they’re like how much do you need I’ve never even seen you I’m like but you Imagine if you come for my event. Oh my god. You get enough nose, you’re like maybe I should find the money if it’s that easy to give it out, you know? And then you start seeing that the come up is hard. The come up is so hard. I keep telling people like you see like even when you’re describing about like just you know finding yourself in a position where you’re selling and stuff. I keep telling people I think it’s been preached out there. You see people like nowadays buying cars, sending bouquets and everything. I’m like, yo, that’s not real life. We have suffered out here. We have suffered and we’re not just saying this to probably the younger generation so that they can feel like ah auntie also you guys think we have to work the same way as hard as you to be able to get in these positions. Like what I can tell you is a guarantee. If you don’t work hard, you won’t make it. True. cuz it’s not going to h it’s just won’t happen. You can sit down, hope, pray, all those things, it’s just not going to happen. And I keep telling people the exception is not the rule. It’s not those few people you see with those situations. Instagram is how many million people, there’s a billion people, right? And I’ve even been like I I remember someone yesterday we were at the cafeteria with my friend Yolanda and there’s someone at the cuz Yolanda is like my best friend and this lady from the office like guy KFC and I’m like first of all at your big age stop addressing me like that you know your mouth. Hey and you know it’s for me there’s always been this misconception that juna mean rich kid. Yeah. Like I’ll leave meet guys and they’re like hey Laura you know this whole time I thought you are a rich kid. I’m like, “Do you think I’d be hanging out with you if I had an option?” Really? Yeah. It’d be my first option around me. And you buy into that and you’re like, “Maybe because people think of me like this, this is how I should be because this is what means to have standard and class.” It just means you carry yourself in a very respectable way. That’s all. It doesn’t take much. It really doesn’t take much to be presentable. your your your appearance or how people view you to to subject you to pain that you can’t recover from. That’s true. I keep telling people made so many mistakes in life and they’ve all come to bite me in the ass. They all has come back. All of them. I don’t care if it’s I made out with someone’s boyfriend and then I came and told them your boyfriend is nice. So nice. He’s so nice. When I was 19, it didn’t matter. It came to bite me in the ass. Yeah. And that’s when I was just like where maybe if you lead a clear path it’s you’re not no one is no one is not no one is not going to suffer. We all going to suffer. No one deserves suffering. It’s just the way life is but not inflicted on yourself and the pain that is the worst is the one that is in the mind and that’s what changes you like when cuz it can’t go away. It’s you’re the only person who’s experiencing it’s not visible. you’re for me accountability, honesty, truth, those are my very very major fundamentals
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