Trump Bombarded by Epstein Q’s in Scotland, MAGA “Caddies” Provide Cover Back Home | The Daily Show
But let’s begin tonight
with a young man by the name of Donald Aloysius Trump. As you know, this young man has
been embroiled in the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking
scandal and did what anybody who
is innocent when facing an accusation
of this type did what anybody who
was innocent would do. He fled the country. He fled the country, taking a
jaunt to bonny old Scotland. That’s probably not
the right accent. To leave his troubles in
the United States behind, and finally gain an oceans
distance between himself and the Epstein scandal and
focus on his new trade deal with the EU. I’m sorry. Yes, you there from the
Inverness Castle Times. REPORTER: Mr.
President, was part of the rush to get
this deal done to knock Jeffrey Epstein story out. Oh, you got to be
kidding with that. [AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND JEERING] Donald Trump– he’s all like,
how did you even hear about it? I thought you guys
just got Baywatch, like, three months ago. Doesn’t anybody here have a
question about this trade deal is sinking both
of our economies? How high do I have to make the
tariffs before you guys shut the [BLEEP] up about Epstein. But of course,
how do you expect the media to move on when even
Trump has trouble doing so. And so it was on
the day of striking a trade deal with the EU. Donald Trump
presented once more, this time for the
Edinburgh Fringe Festival, his classic Epstein
defense, 13 reasons why I’m not involved with A pedophile. Those files were run by
the worst scum on Earth. If they had something,
they would have released. Now they can easily
put something in the files that’s a phony. Which is why I
can’t release it. It’s simple. Donald Trump was in the files,
they would have released it. So clearly I’m
not in the files. But of course, I’m
clearly in the files, which makes them phony. I mean, what do they
even have on Trump? A creepy drawing
Trump gave to Epstein. Please. I don’t do drawings. I’m not a drawing person. Your Honor, I
submit to the court, if there is one thing I
would never do it is draw. As you know, I suffer
from tiny hands. I cannot physically even
perform the task of drawing. I do not possess
the motor skills and muscle strength required. Oh. I cannot draw. Not now, not ever. Although– Sometimes people say,
would you draw a building. And I’ll draw four
lines and a little roof, you know for a charity. But I’m not a drawing person. I don’t do drawings of
women, that I can tell you. I mean, sometimes
people would say, would you draw a woman? And I’d draw a parentheses
for breasts and a triangle for bush, for
charity, for charity. I wouldn’t call them drawings,
more of a cubist pastiche, of punctuation and geometric
shapes to trick the eye. Some would see a naked woman. Of course, others
would see an old woman holding a falcon
riding a hoverboard with a triangle for a vagina. Look, the point is
this, I don’t draw. In Trump’s defense, he
did end his relationship with Epstein in the aughts. Perhaps a look into why he
ended it will exonerate Trump. That’s such old history. Very easy to explain,
but I don’t want to waste your time by explaining it. He did something that
was inappropriate. What he said was, Epstein had
done something inappropriate. And that’s why they’re
no longer friends. You see, Donald Trump
recognized that Epstein had finally crossed a line. Now, if it were me,
obviously giving this explanation in
front of reporters, I probably would
have stopped there. [LAUGHTER] But, since I am
not, Trump went on to describe Epstein’s
inappropriate behavior and wait till you hear
what was the Rubicon that Epstein crossed. He hired help. And I said, don’t
ever do that again. He stole people
that work for me. I said, don’t ever
do that again. He did it again. And I threw him
out of the place. Persona non grata. Yes. [LAUGHTER] You all know him as Jeffrey
Epstein, the sex trafficker. But I knew his dark side. He was– [CHEERING] I mean, the sex
trafficking, I was like, OK. But he was also a
low level employee. poacher. And that, I cannot have. [LAUGHTER] Anyway, Mr. President,
do you want to slice this baloney any thinner? By the way, I never
went to the Island, and Bill Clinton went
there, supposedly. 28 times. You expect me to believe
that Bill Clinton went to the island only 28 times? No way. [CHEERING] I mean, if anybody had
VIP Diamond Island status, there’s probably still parrots
alive on that island, going, hey, Bill, back again. Hey, Bill. Hey, Bill. How you doing, Bill? What’s up, Bill? Yeah. It’s OK, it’s OK, I’m OK. That is truly the best parrot
impression you’ll hear. Here comes my favorite
part of the defense. Trump’s ego and narcissism
are so central to his being that even his denial
of going to the island comes with a caveat. I never had the privilege
of going to his island. And I did turn it down. The privilege? [LAUGHTER] The [BLEEP]. Hey, Donald, want to go to
the island this weekend? Well, first of all, Jeffrey,
thank you for thinking of me. [LAUGHTER] Unfortunately,
that’s the weekend that the teen
pageant that I bought is installing the indoor
security locker room cameras. Really? [LAUGHTER] But luckily for
Trump, it wasn’t all Epstein related pressers. He was able to get in some
of his beloved whack a ball. Mr. Trump. Are you enjoying the
Scottish hospitality? Are you enjoying the
Scottish hospitality? See there you. Are you enjoying? Get in the belly. Are you enjoying? There you go. That’s what it’s about. That’s got to
soothe Trump’s soul. Mr. Trump, can you escape
the Jeffrey Epstein crisis? Is Epstein what they yell
in Scotland instead of fore? Epstein. Boy, this is tough. To extend the golf metaphor,
Trump finds himself in the rough, but
he’s a championship caliber golfer, battle tested. And I think we all know how
the best golfers in the world get out of a bad lie. Donald Trump being
busted, cheating at golf. We can see a caddy dropping a
ball there for the president while he played at one of
his courses in Scotland. [LAUGHTER] When the going
gets tough, the tough pay someone to cheat for you. But this moment on the
course, seemingly random, could not be more
representative of Trump’s entire existence. He moves with complete
confidence in this world. Because he requires that
everyone in his orbit do whatever they can,
including cheating, to ensure that things
go Trump’s way. It’s been his whole life. Don’t want to go to Vietnam? Get a podiatrist, friend of
the family to bone spur you up. Your casino is failing? Perhaps Daddy can illegally
float you three million in chips to try and save it. Impeached for an
attempted coup? Your caddy today is the
Kentucky Fried Reaper. Never liked to speak
ill of the dead. Why would you even say that? And obviously, for
the Epstein case, Trump has no
shortage of caddies willing to shame themselves. Here’s Congressman Tim
Burchett, pre-Trump, being named in the files. Congressman, why do you
think so many Democrats are committed to protecting
the list of a dead pedophile? Too many of my
colleagues, I’m afraid, are compromised in this
area for whatever reason. The trash can is very deep. It’s not a swamp. It’s an open sewer. It’s a sewer. Democrats are all
over the place. It’s an open sewer. I’m sorry. Trump was also on
Epstein’s plane. Need a ball drop over here? You know, President
Trump admitted that he flew on his dadgum plane. Just because somebody
flew on a plane doesn’t mean they’re
a dadgum pedophile. Wow. You know what. I always find that the worse
it is, the folksier they get. Well, well, Mr. Trump,
you’re not a dadgum, gosh darn, dagnabbit pedophile. I mean, kiss my grits. I’ll guarantee you he’s
not using that terminology in other sex offender cases. Well, gosh darn
if Diddy ain’t two biscuits short of a biscuit. He’s two biscuits short
of a country breakfast, but that don’t make
everyone at the freak off Cracker Barrelers. I honestly think my
favorite thing about this is watching conspiracy
theorists have to unravel the red string
that they themselves originally strung out. Here’s the OG conspiracy
theorist Glenn Beck at his
excitement for Trump’s beginning of the second term. The only thing
I care about is the scandal of the pedophiles. And in the next 10 days,
you’re going to see the Epstein file released. Day number one,
Kash Patel walks in. By the end of the day,
it will be released. Day one, deep state
exposed Oh, I’m sorry. Trump’s in the rough? I’ll get right on
that ball drop. What the left is
saying, and some people now on his team are
saying, he’s in the report with 15-year-olds? Really? You actually believe that? [LAUGHTER] I have seen some clips that
would be consistent with. Did buy a teenage
beauty pageant. But listen, Beck, you’re the
master at making connections. So let’s see
you unconnect it. I mean, let’s be honest, 20
years ago this was like, hey, he was on an Island
with 25-year-old models, I would be going probably, OK? 15, 16-year-olds. That’s not Donald Trump. It’s not Donald Trump. I don’t believe that. Do you? I say, that’s no way. That’s true. Well, you get– No, you’re not– there’s
no magic X. You can’t just magic X conspiracy theories. White people being replaced
by voting illegal immigrants. No. The X has spoken. But of course, Trump’s
caddies can’t do everything, and it’s given
Democrats hope that they finally have Donald Trump. For so long, the Democrats
have been Wile E. Coyote to Donald Trump’s RoadRunner. The Democrats thought
they had Trump with the felony convictions. They thought they had Trump
with the Access Hollywood tape. But every time he got away. But now, with the reporting
on the Epstein files, the only way that this guy
wiggles out of this one is if for some reason,
convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell swears
under oath that Trump had nothing to do with it. But why would she do that? Coyote, you finally
got the RoadRunner. Mr. President did you
completely rule out a pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell? Is that something you
would ever consider? A pardon for who? For Ghislaine Maxwell. Well, I’m allowed
to give her a pardon. Meem, meem. [LAUGHTER] But now. Of course. [CHEERING] Of course. Until the pardon happens, there
is other stuff Trump can do. President Trump went on
Truth Social last night and said that Beyonce, Oprah,
and Vice President Kamala Harris should all be
prosecuted for receiving or giving endorsement money
during the last election. That’s right. Trump is now calling
for the imprisonment of all the most popular
people in the country, and Kamala Harris. And the most concerning
thing about this is that– No, oh, no, no, no., [CHEERING] Not Beyonce, Jon. That is some
bullshit right there. Oh my God. Ladies and gentlemen,
it’s Jessica Williams. I can’t believe you. This is so exciting. My God, it’s Emmy
nominee Jessica Williams. Wait Jessica, where are you. I’m in Scotland, John. And I am here because I
have had it with Trump. He’s got to come
clean about Epstein. I am sick of this. I agree, he’s been doing
this for weeks, though. How much longer can he
avoid talking about it? I mean, obviously
it depends on how many Black people he has left. Black people. Why do Black people matter? Why do Black
people matter, Jon? What the BLEEP, dude? Wow, Jon, we still got
a lot of work to do. I know. And I will take
this time to listen. Reflect. I meant, why do they
matter to the Epstein story? It’s because Trump
is trying to throw every Black person he can
think in front of the scandal to distract us. First, he released the
Martin Luther King Jr. files. Then he accused
Obama of treason. And now he wants to
prosecute Oprah and Beyonce. The nerve, Jon, the nerve. He’s coming after all of
our greatest Black people. Who’s next? Michael Jordan,
Michael B. Jordan? Michael C. Jordan? Jessica, sorry who
is Michael C. Jordan? I don’t know, Jon, but
he better watch his back. I’m scared for him. Trump is going to target
every exceptional Black person he can think of. We’re about a week away from
him saying that Urkel did 9/11. Urkel? Did he do that? No, Jon, no he didn’t. He was nowhere near
the towers that day. He was nowhere near them. [CHEERING] Honestly like,
seriously, I just hope this whole thing wraps
up before Trump gets to me. Jessica, don’t– God, I hate to even hear
you talk– don’t be nervous, Jessie. Trump isn’t going
to come after you. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Excuse me. He won’t come after me. What? I’m not an exceptional enough
Black person for Trump? I’m not famous enough
to be publicly accused of treason or doing 9/11? You don’t know where
I was that day. You don’t know me. I’m sorry, but I’m
nominated for an Emmy for Supporting
Actress in a comedy. [CHEERING] Thank you. You’re very good. You’re very good in that show. I can at least be accused of
election fraud, you butthead. What? I’m sorry. Of course, you’d
be on that list. Oh, OK. But like where on that list? Above Urkel. Technically, I’m just
below Urkel for now. Look, Jessica and I
mean this sincerely. You are notable enough
for Donald Trump to accuse you of
treason, to distract from a pedophilia scandal Oh, Jon, that
is just so sweet. Thank you so much. It’s really nice. Now, doesn’t that
make you nervous? No. We have a fail safe. Trump is so desperate
for Black approval. One compliment and we’re
off the prosecution list and in the Oval Office,
being named Secretary of HUD. Because if there’s one
thing old white guys love, it’s getting a compliment
from a Black person. I’m not sure
you can generalize all old white people. Oh, wait Oh my God, John
I meant to say, I like, love your haircut. Are you serious? Yeah. You know I asked for a fade. Did you ask for a fade? [LAUGHTER] You proved your
point, Williams. Did I do that? Take that, Urkel. Jessica Williams, everybody.
Jon Stewart dives into Trump’s golf shenanigans in Scotland, the Republican “caddies” providing him cover on the Epstein scandal back home, and the possibility of a pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell. Plus, Jessica Williams will NOT allow Beyoncé to be roped into Trump’s use of exceptional Black people as a distraction. #DailyShow #JonStewart #Trump
0:00 – Jon Stewart’s TDS Welcome
0:25 – Donald Trump Asked About Jeffrey Epstein on Scotland Trip
8:43 – Scottish Caddy Helps Trump Cheat at Golf
11:13 – GOP Drops Conspiracy Theories on Trump and Epstein
14:58 – President Trump Considers a Pardon for Ghislaine Maxwell
16:17 – Jessica Williams Chimes in on Trump’s call for Beyonce’s Prosecution
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